Opinion: Why Christmas lunch with Roma relatives doesn’t work

There's nothing more important than family, as the old saying goes.

That's especially the case around Christmas time when getting together with your parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and other obscure relatives. You all sit down at the table, eat far more than is healthy for you and begin to chat about this and that.

It never takes long before the conversation turns towards my work.

“Hey, Tiziano, what's going on with Roma?”

The classic question to break the ice and bring AS Roma into the picture.

It's a bit like asking a parliamentary reporter: “What's going on with the government?”

What sort of question is that? What do you want to know?

Anyway, the best way to dodge the question is to answer diplomatically: “Roma are quality, you'll see.”

Words to that effect. It's not enough, however, as the stock response comes shooting back: “You work there, right? What are they saying at Trigoria?”

And now we've reached that part of the conversation when the same old questions crop up again for anyone who's familiar with this situation. There's no doubt that anyone who works in any role at any football club in the world will have been asked the same question at some point over the festive period.

“What do you mean, 'What are they saying?' We hope the results will pick up soon.” It makes no difference even if Roma are top of the table. It's the easiest way to get out of there unharmed.

However, you rarely get so lucky...

“I get that, Tiziano, but tell us what the atmosphere is like over there,” urges the uncle sitting closest to you.

The perfect response would just be to say: “Well, you see, the atmosphere at Trigoria is more or less the same as in Rome. The only thing is that I work in the countryside, so in the winter the evenings are cooler and there's more humidity.”

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that and instead you put on a serious face and reply: “Look, Uncle, we've been through a tough patch and the results weren't going our way. Hopefully with the new year things will change. We beat Genoa and we're not far off the top of the table.”

Usually, even that isn't enough to satisfy your audience. “But you watch the players in training, tell them they're not running enough!”

“No, Uncle, I don’t watch training sessions. And even if I did, it's not my job and I'd never dream of it.”

“Well, maybe you're right... So who are we buying in January? Give us a little inside tip on our next signing!”

“I'd like to know as well, but I really don't have a clue!”

At this point, one of the lesser-informed relatives might butt in: “You mean you actually work at Trigoria? Where the pitches are? Do you talk to the players?”

“I do a different job on another part of the site.”

“Wow, really? Make sure you say hi to Il Capitano next time you see him!”

Sure I will.

There's nothing more important than family after all...